Hand sanitizer. Check.

Sing "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star" when washing hands. Check.

Lysol door knobs and phones. Check.

Sequester kids from possible carrier monkeys in the neighborhood. Check.

And yet here I am with the flu. I did the work. I'm not a slacker. I listened to the CDC, President Obama and my mother but still I have the flu. And where did I get infected from? It wasn't the kids. It wasn't the shopping cart. It was my husband.

The love of my life gave me a different kind of gift for our 15th wedding anniversary- the Swine Flu. He's in the banking industry which I believe is a worse petrie dish of viral catastrophe than retail or preschools. Think about it. Not only does the public come in every day and shake his hand but he also has to touch their money. He doesn't work as a teller every day but it only takes once. Think about all the little germy contaminates crawling on those bills as they exchange hands. Yuck. Yep- as my neighbor says- it's the bankers of the world that are spreading disease.

OK. Maybe not. But you get my point. Which is what exactly? Well, I don't know. Clearly I'm hallucinating or something. Why else would I be blogging when I should be passed out on the couch! The virus has effected my cognitive and reasoning abilities I think.

I'm a not so closet hypochondriac. Have been for years but there's nothing like actually getting sick to make you feel vindicated. My husband laughs at me when I diagnose myself with malaria or start buying hand sanitizer in bulk but we'll see who has the last laugh.

Maybe it would be more accurate to call me an inconsistent hypochondriac because I am not a germaphobe- my house keeping skills lay testament to that. But I did load up on cans of soup, tissues, flu meds & cans of coke when my hubby came home from work with the flu. I gave him a bag for his snot rags but failed to don my hazmat suit. My son thinks we should have put him in a bubble. I'm wishing I hadn't dismissed that idea.

For months I've been watching the media with their post apocalyptic updates on the Swine Flu. Sorry, H1N1. It doesn't matter if they change the name, people still call it the Swine Flu. Every morning I faced a new dilemma as I watched Good Morning America.

Send the kids to school or keep them home. Get the flu shot or join a swine flu party. Invest in hazmat suits or give yourself over to the course of nature. 

In the end it didn't matter I suppose. The upshot is I don't need the flu shot now.

One good thing about getting the flu; it's not hypochondria when you really are sick.

 Why does my head feel all wobbly and stuff? OK, maybe getting the last laugh is over rated.