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Learning the best ways to show our children we love them

by Traci Schumacher on Tue, 10/22/2013 - 11:49am

One of the most important things we do as parents is make sure that our children know that they are loved and accepted. This is the foundation on which so many other good traits and habits and skills will build.

So when a friend recently mentioned the book, “The Five Love Languages of Children,” by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell, I was excited to see how we could apply it to our family life. The book identifies the five love languages as Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch.

The idea of love languages is that people have different ways of receiving and feeling love. Our own love language may be different from that of our child or spouse. So if we want to show someone we love them, it's best to do it in a way that they interpret as love. It's like giving someone the gift they really want instead of the gift we really want.

Years ago I had read “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman, which is geared toward adults. So this time, as a mom, I skipped the actual reading of the book and went straight to the quiz to discover my children's love languages. Here is the quiz if you are interested: http://crcpeninsula.org/Love_Languages_Children_Guiz.pdf.

There are 30 questions for kids to answer about themselves in terms of their preferences. Then you simply tally the answers and learn about their love languages.

My daughter's primary love language, for example, is Receiving Gifts. This means that if I sneak a little surprise into her lunch box, whether a note or a candy or a trinket, it will convey to her that she is loved. My son's primary love language is Quality Time, so when I sit down to play that game he wants to play, it shows him I love him.

Of course, people may understand the love in all the love languages, but the primary love language is that one that feels the most like love to them. It makes the strongest connection. And as we attempt to raise our children, these wonderful gifts with so much to learn and so far to grow, it can only be good for us to make the most of their love languages. To connect in a deep and meaningful way. Because love is our foundation.

 

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